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04 May 2007 @ 04:01 pm
Fic: A Leopard, a Beast and Lorna  
Title: A Leopard, a Beast and Lorna
Author: Anika (imaginaryalice)
Fandom: X-Men
Pairing: Hank/Lorna
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Prompt: Bringing Up Baby: Beast = Dr. Huxley, Polaris/White Queen = Susan Vance
Author's Notes: I have never written Beast ever. Just saying. I intended to go with Hank/Emma 'cause I actually support that pairing but Emma intimidates me and Lorna's my girl (and really Susan's much more Lorna) so, well, here it is :) The dialogue is taken almost directly from the film script.

Thank you for a swift and unexpected beta by the wonderful harmonyangel!


The most important thing to understand is that Baby is a leopard.

I met Lorna Dane by chance. I was attempting to meet with a man who might fund my research and she was simply there. In the way, a disaster waiting to happen. A beautiful disaster but a disaster nonetheless. She tried to steal my golf ball and then my car! I wanted nothing to do with her.

I tried to meet with the gentleman in the evening, at dinner, and there she was again. In the way, spouting nonsense and making my life difficult. Do you understand chaos theory? This woman personifies it. I was unable to meet with Mr. Peabody despite my best efforts. And despite the best efforts - if you can call them that - of Miss Dane. As her best efforts involved throwing rocks at the gentleman's window, I'm a bit surprised I agreed to let her help. There is something entirely odd about the woman.

Then this morning she called me with the news her brother sent her a leopard. Her brother was somewhere in the Savage Land and he'd sent her a pet. A pet leopard.

It makes one ponder precisely what kind of brother sends a clearly mentally unhinged girl a pet leopard.

"Hello? Oh, it's you." I am not certain why I was surprised. "I can't hear you, come closer to the phone."

"I said, ‘Good morning, Henry, and do you want a leopard?’" A leopard?

"A leopard? Why should I want a leopard?" What had I done to deserve this girl?

"Well, for that matter, why should I - but I've got one." I was having a bit of trouble following the conversation. I admit I was partially distracted by the very important dinosaur bone that had been delivered right before her call. I had been anticipating its arrival for some time. And here was this hare-brained girl chattering at me about a leopard!

"Lorna, where would you get a leopard?"

"Well I wouldn't get a leopard, my brother Pietro got him. He was hunting in the Savage Land and I guess he caught him." Ah, finally, some of her story made a bit of sense.

"Oh, of course, he's a stuffed leopard."

" Of course not! Now why would my brother Pietro be hunting stuffed leopards in the Savage Land when he could find one right here in New York?" I had no response to this. I'm not convinced she expected one. In fact, I think she quite admires the sound of her own voice. "Well, Henry, it's lucky I met you yesterday because you're the only zoologist I know." A zoologist? Is that what she thought I was? I am a geneticist and while I may look like a zoo animal I am certainly not one. I asked her if she knew what a zoologist is.

"Well, of course I know what a zoologist is. Oh, get out of here you - " Why, she had called me! "Oh, Baby, get back into that bathroom and stay there, you're making a nuisance of yourself." This statement ruffled me on multiple levels. Why ever would she refer to me as "Baby" and why ever would she call me a nuisance when I had done nothing but answer the phone and attempt to understand her - two things I feel she shouldn't expect, especially given her abrasive personality! But, she explained.

"No, not you, Henry. No, I want you to come right over." Come over? Heavens no, I had little desire to prolong our relationship. But she would have none of it. "Oh, Henry, don't be irrelevant. The point is I have a leopard, the question is what am I going to do with it?"

I tried to explain my position in terms she might understand. "Well, Lorna, I regret to say the leopard is your problem."

"You mean you refuse to help me? Oh, Henry, you can't do that - you can't leave me alone with a leopard! Henry, I'm going to come get you in my - aaah!" When I heard her cry I admit my heart stopped. The girl was a bother but she was delicate, vulnerable - if something had happened -

"Lorna! What happened? Is it the leopard?"

"No, nothing happened to me, Henry I just fe- I mean...the leopard! Henry! The leopard!" At this point I heard her cries and the sounds of a leopard on the rampage. I slipped into gear. Here was a damsel in need of rescuing.

"Lorna! Can you hear me? Lorna!" No response beyond -

"Oh!!"

"Lorna - Lorna be brave - I'll be right there, Lorna! Lorna? Do you hear me? I'll be right there!" I am a gentleman and I admit, the idea of the lovely Miss Dane being mauled by a leopard is a hard one to ignore.

xxx


The most important thing to understand is that I knew from the moment we met he needed me.

I met Henry McCoy by chance. I was playing golf - it was such a lovely day and he was simply there. Befuddled, a disaster waiting to happen. An attractive disaster but a disaster nonetheless. He was ridiculous but I was enamored.

I went to dinner, dressed to the nines, of course, and there he was again. It was as if he were following me. Do you believe in fate? I think it's fate. Or maybe just fixation. The evening was a madcap adventure - my dress fell apart! And we weren't able to get a hold of Mr. Peabody. And Henry let slip he's engaged. But, no bother. I like a challenge.

So, of course he was the first one I thought of when I got the leopard. My big brother was somewhere in the Savage Land and he'd sent me Baby. A pet leopard. Such a cutie!

I gave him a call.

"Hello? Oh, it's you." Silly boy. "I can't hear you, come closer to the phone."

"I said, ‘Good morning, Henry, and do you want a leopard?’" I think it best to come straight to the point.

"A leopard? Why should I want a leopard?"

"Well, for that matter, why should I - but I've got one." Henry didn't seem to be understanding. I suppose it's not every day one gets a leopard.

"Lorna, where would you get a leopard?" What a silly question! As if I was looking for a pet leopard.

"Well I wouldn't get a leopard, my brother Pietro got him. He was hunting in the Savage Land and I guess he caught him." Honestly, I'm not even sure why Pietro would catch a leopard. But it makes some sense why he'd send Baby to me. I love animals.

"Oh, of course, he's a stuffed leopard." What a silly thing to say!

" Of course not! Now why would my brother Pietro be hunting stuffed leopards in the Savage Land when he could find one right here in New York?" I didn't really expect a response - such a silly man, my Henry. "Well, Henry, it's lucky I met you yesterday because you're the only zoologist I know." Of course I know Henry isn't really a zoologist. It's all part of the game, you know? He, of course, asked if I knew.

"Well, of course I know what a zoologist is. Oh, get out of here you - " The leopard was a wonderful reason to call Henry but he did make phone conversation difficult! Of course, Henry kept thinking I was talking to him. I think perhaps, he didn't quite believe me about the leopard. But who could make that up?! "Oh, Baby, get back into that bathroom and stay there, you're making a nuisance of yourself." Good, leopard out - now to return my attentions to the task at hand. "No, not you, Henry. No, I want you to come right over." At which point, he started making excuses, little more than noise really. "Oh, Henry, don't be irrelevant. The point is I have a leopard, the question is what am I going to do with it?"

"Well, Lorna, I regret to say the leopard is your problem." I was not at all expecting this response - how could he leave a girl alone with a wild animal?

"You mean you refuse to help me? Oh, Henry, you can't do that - you can't leave me alone with a leopard! Henry I'm going to come get you in my - aaah!" I admit it - I simply fell. I can be something of a klutz - especially when I'm distracted talking to my sweetie.

"Lorna! What happened? Is it the leopard?"

"No, nothing happened to me, Henry I just fe-" Wait! If he thinks I'm in danger, he'll come running...my knight in shining blue fur... "I mean...the leopard! Henry! The leopard!" I threw myself into the role, banging the phone about the room and smashing things together to make it seem the leopard (who, of course, was as gentle as a kitten) was attacking me.

"Lorna! Can you hear me? Lorna!" Oh, that voice. I'd caught him.

"Oh!!"

"Lorna - Lorna be brave - I'll be right there, Lorna! Lorna? Do you hear me? I'll be right there!" Like I said, my knight to the rescue.

xxx


The important thing to understand is sometimes fate takes the guise of a leopard named Baby to bring two strangers together.
 
 
Current Mood: accomplished
 
 
 
Humble Gerbil: X-Men Hank Danceharmonyangel on May 4th, 2007 08:59 pm (UTC)
Yay! Despite the complete O.o of the pairing (their children could have aquamarine hair!), this is really cute. I haven't seen the actual move, but I love this interaction and everything with the leopard. Jungle animals make everything better.
White Phoenix of the Crown: tag//Thank youimaginaryalice on May 7th, 2007 07:52 am (UTC)
You should certainly watch it, it's lots of fun. After you finish your paper of course :)

Thanks so much for helping. Glad you liked it. I'm so refusing to imagine the aquamarine kids though ;P
Jess: laughwillowaus on May 4th, 2007 09:17 pm (UTC)
THIS was perfect. The description of their interaction, all of it. Made me want to watch this movie again. Hee.
White Phoenix of the Crown: x//Magneto&Rogueimaginaryalice on May 7th, 2007 07:53 am (UTC)
Thanks :) Yay!
Slightly obsessedresolute on May 5th, 2007 01:34 am (UTC)
Oh, yay! That was perfect! Than kyou so much for throwing yourself on this, it was insane and lovely. I love that movie, I truly do. Yay!
White Phoenix of the Crown: m//Red Shoesimaginaryalice on May 7th, 2007 07:54 am (UTC)
Me too - it's so madcap ;) Thanks.